I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
