One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize