my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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