i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize