an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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