well you can't waste a boner
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
