And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
