No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
