Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
