his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
