I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
