i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize