I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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