Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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