Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
