I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
