Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
