I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
