So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
