Kiss
Puke
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
