You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
