Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
