is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
