first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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