The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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