3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
