I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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