i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
