The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
