I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
