You're my little dorito
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He is an equal opportunity slut.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
