I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have fence marks all over my body
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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