My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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