I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
