Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
