Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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