I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
