Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
