I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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