I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize