So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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