Betty ford says i'm here all night
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
