hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
