my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
