dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
