I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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