Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
