I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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