I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
