Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
