sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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