i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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