Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
