i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
