I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
