You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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