I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
