I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
