Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
