I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
