i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
