Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize