Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
