So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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