Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
