Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
