He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
