If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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