1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize