and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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