He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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