All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
