this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
