I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
