i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
