her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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