Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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