I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
