i jhust puked up my retainher.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
