"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
