I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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