I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
