I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize