Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
