she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
