I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
