I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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