it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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