LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
