he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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