I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
