just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
