rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
