What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
