sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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