We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
