So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
