Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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