You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
