she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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