I would go down on you faster than GM stock
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
