Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize