I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
